Phase Finder

Pathstone TV - 3 IRLs

May 25, 2021


Hello and welcome to this episode of Pathstone TV.

I’m Lucy Colangelo and for as long as I can remember I have been fascinated with how people discover who they want to become. 

It’s what I work on every day. 

I help people learn a way to process everything so that they can know themselves really well and be happy.

I like to say I help you create your future so that you can live your absolute best life.

It’s really fun work. 

Today I want to talk about the one thing that I find can get in the way of all that. 

Our thoughts. 

More specifically thoughts you didn’t choose. Like ones that were put there by someone else. 

Especially thoughts that are negative. 

Bullies really know how to do that don’t they? 

I’m sure you’ve all seen it happen or unfortunately experienced this for yourself.

You can be online just texting or Snappin’ and TicTocin’ and then it happens someone writes something hurtful or just plain mean about you. 

I’ve got 3 things that will help you protect yourself, so you can get back to feeling like your awesome self again. 

I call them the 3 IRLs for IN REAL LIFE.

1. Remember this Isn't Real Life

People have a tendency to think they are just talking to themselves when they write. 

It’s a strange behaviour but we tend to not realize and forget there’s a real person on the other end of the message. 

Have you ever texted or posted something that you would never say in person?

It takes true mindfulness to be aware of the impact a hurtful message can have. 

So many times people write things that they would never ever say to you in person.  

Try to imagine them saying that to you directly. Would that make any sense? Probably not. 

That’s when you know they’re really not at their best. 

So remember the first IRL is This Isn’t Happening in Real Life.

2. Go do or make something in real life

So speaking of real-life… take a break and go offline as soon as possible. The faster you disengage from the conversation the faster you can get your power back. 

Remember having those negative thoughts in front of you on the screen is not a kind thing to do to yourself. 

There’s no point in staying in the conflict. It’s not even real anyway. 

So it’s good to unplug for a bit. 

Go do something fun… especially if you can get outside or my favourite in the kitchen and grab a favourite snack or ask to bake or cook. 

Whatever it is think of something you enjoy and for IRL number two go do or make something in Real Life. 

3. Connect With a Friend in Real Life

I know it’s trickier now than ever but you can still arrange to meet up with a friend outside to go for a walk or to the park and if not you can jump on a call and have a chat. 

Friendships have the power to help us overcome and heal from these experiences. 

Your friend may have insight into why this happened also and it can be helpful to talk it out offline. 

IRL three Connect with a Friend.

Remembering these 3 IRLs will help you take control right away. Once again, 

  1. Remember this isn’t real life
  2. Go do or make something in real life
  3. Connect with a friend in real life

Remember you never have to be desperate to have friends. 

Sometimes people can be mean and it’s not your job to teach them how to be, what is your job is to choose the kindest best thoughts of yourself. 

This will help you deal with all the nuttiness that goes on with people especially in the online world.

Protect yourself by protecting your mind and make sure you’re in charge by choosing only the best thoughts.

Thanks for watching this episode of Pathstone TV.

Remember, mental health support for children and youth up to age 18 is available 24/7 by calling Pathstone’s Crisis and Support line at 1-800-263-4944

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